30 is not the new 20

As a follow up to our post on Millennials, narcissism, and socialization, I thought I would share this Ted talk as I think the speaker addresses some of the unique challenges facing young adults today. Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, has spent her career working with people in their twenties. She's seen firsthand the issues discussed in our blog entry. As young people face an uncertain job market, are burdened with previously unseen student loan debt, and are faced with a social landscape defined by moral relativism, it can be very difficult for parents and teacher to know how to advise the young adults in their lives. Sometimes its simply easier to echo that common refrain, "You are young, you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do." But that's simply not true and Dr. Jay provides some good practical advice for all of us who have a young adult in our lives who needs a little guidance.

"Claiming your 20s is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world." This is so true. It is in ones 20s that you establish the groundwork for the rest of your life. Most people explore career options in their 20s. Most people meet the person they're going to marry in their 20s. As Dr. Jay stated, "the best time to work on one's marriage is before you are married." That is great, and seldom heard, advice.

When Dr. Jay makes the observation that as a "culture we have trivialized the defining decade of adulthood," I find this to be tragic, especially as a Christian and a homeschool grad. Although I am right at the edge of being a Millennial myself, I can look back on my 20s as a time in which I was variously treading water and moving forward and as a time of rich experience and personal growth. But both in times of waiting and in times of action, I never lost my curiosity and desire for knowledge. This is the gift of my education. Being homeschooled instilled in me a life-long passion for learning. That was further encouraged in the unique academic atmosphere I found at a small liberal arts college. For those students who have graduated from schools that failed to encourage this innate desire, I can understand why the decade between 20 and 30 could be viewed as a sort of wasteland. If one is jaded by 20 and has lost all intellectual curiosity by 25, it would be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that this decade of ones life simply doesn't matter. Life will start at 30 when I have a spouse, a good job, and a house. But, as Dr. Jay observes, this is the perfect time to cultivate those things that add value to one's life: community, curiosity, intelligence, experience.

In addition to Dr. Jay's advice, I would add the following based on my experiences as a Millennial:
1. Continue reading. But don't get sucked into the "self-help" craze. Most of those books do nothing to develop your soul. Read books that challenge you and expand your mind. Read the great books. You may be surprised how much you enjoy them when you're don't have to worry about writing a book report! Read the great thinkers. Fill your mind with the thoughts of people who have greater experience and wisdom than you do.
2. Invest in your community. Join a church and get involved. Volunteer at a local charity. These community ties will enrich your life and make you a more compassionate and empathetic person. Serving those less fortunate has a way of growing gratitude in one's heart, a key element to living a life marked by grace.
3. Travel. Get out and see this amazing world that God has created. When I was 21 I was able to study abroad for a semester and it changed my life. Not only did I meet the man I would marry, it gave me a greater appreciation for the wonderful diversity of humanity. It made me hungry for more and led to my husband and I spending five years abroad. I've been able to see how people are the same in some ways and different in many ways. I've been able to experience how faith ties people together regardless of race or nationality. I've met incredibly interesting people who have challenged me.

I would love to hear from you now! What advice would you give to a young adult who is seeking guidance? How are you trying to instill these values in your children before they reach their 20s?
Leave a comment below!


Related Topics:

Raising Educated People by Jerram Barrs

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Socialization and Narcissism

This week's Time magazine cover article features the "Me Me Me Generation", better known as Millennials. Defined as those people born between 1980 and 2000. This puts most Millennials in their teens and twenties, and they also make up the biggest age grouping in American history at 80 million strong! According to research cited in the article, they're tech-savvy, entitled, lazy, and more likely to live with their parents after college than any previous generation. They're also innovative, have great relationships with their parents, eschew rebellion, are self-assured, and think more about issues than previous generations. At least the article states all those things and backs it up with various references to social studies and anecdotal stories. It's a fascinating article and one I think you would probably enjoy reading if you're teaching high schoolers  and college students or are raising teens.
The section that most interested me had to do with the rise in narcissism among this particular group of young people. According to the National Institutes of Health, 58% more college students scored higher on a narcissism scale in 2009 than in 1982. The article goes on talk about the relative isolation of this group in terms of socialization.

"The idea of the teenager started in the 1920s; in 1910, only a tiny percentage of kids went to high school, so most people's social interactions were with adults in their family or in the workplace. Now that cell phones allow kids to socialize at ever hour–they send and receive an average of 88 texts a day, according to Pew–they're living under the constant influence of their friends. 'Peer pressure is anti-intellectual. It is anti-historical. It is anti-eloquence," says Mark Bauerlein, an English professor at Emory, who wrote The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or, Don't Trust Anyone Under 30). 'Never before in history have people been able to grow up and reach age 23 so dominated by peers. To develop intellectually you've got to relate to older people, older things: 17-year-olds never grow up if they're just hanging around other 17-year-olds.'" 

For most homeschoolers, perpetually plagued with the "socialization" question, this should be music to your ears! The downsides of this form of social isolation are magnified by 24-hour access to social media that allows young people to fixate their relative social value in terms of quantifying "followers" and "likes". The downsides of this are many: anxiety fueled by the need for constant affirmation, a reduction in creativity, and a loss of empathy.

The article states that tests evaluating empathy showed a drop in scores beginning in 2000 "likely because of both a lack of face-to-face time and higher degrees of narcissism. not only do millennials lack the kind of empathy that allows them to feel concerned for others, but they also have trouble even intellectually understanding others' points of view."

I think that this serves as both a warning and encouragement for parents and teachers. For those of you who have decided to make alternative educational choices, who limit screen time, who try to fight against the onslaught of Facebook, Instagram, and SnapChat, you're doing your kids a great service. Helping your children to develop a relationship with technology that enhances, instead of burdening, is one life skill that will serve them well. Technology is here to stay and I value the fact that I can keep up with friends from around the world on Facebook, but it's always a balancing act for me. I have to insure that I'm using it as a tool, not being sucked into the vortex in which I've lost two hours checking status updates that I really do not care about.

For those of you who make sure your children are reading about other people, times, and places you're broadening their worlds and helping them to grow up to be caring, well-rounded adults. Keep it up!

And, there is a positive side. Millennials value parental input in ways the Baby Boomers never were able to. They're hard workers when given the opportunity to work. They are more likely to innovate in their places of work. And they have a world of job opportunities that did not even exist a decade ago. They also seem to be less materialistic and more prone to spend their money on experiences. These are all strengths and ought to be encouraged.

I would love to hear what you think. The article is on newsstands now and available to read online here. Are you the parent of Millennials? What has your experience been? How have you encouraged a broad view of the world? Have you had to fight against the tendency toward isolation? How has homeschooling helped or hindered this?

Related Topics:

Raising Educated People by Jerram Barrs

What is most important in education? 

A discussion on education

RSA Animate: Shifting Educational Paradigms 

Sir Ken Robinson on education

Losing the classics

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